It was Jeff and I hanging, we were watching the fight
And I was like “Man, this is so boring, they ain’t doin it right”
“If i was in the ring, I’d be a monster”
Jeff was like “Prince, you gotta go to Wakanda!”
“They got this challenge where you beat up one dude
And then they hand the whole kingdom over to you”
Yo, just one dude? C’mon that’s so easy,
I could do it with my hands behind my back, believe me!
And then a pair of sisters showed up in my driveway
Said they’re from an army called the Dora Milaje
They asked me “Is it true you wish to challenge King T’Challa?”
And yo, these girls were fine, of course I had to holla, like-
Ladies, ladies, yes, that’s correct
So tell your little king he’s about to get wrecked
I’m heavy with the punches and as light as a dancer,
Straight up, yo, I think I can beat the Black Panther!
What is that ship?
(Eh, it’s from Wakanda. They are taking Will Smith to fight the king.)
The Wild Wild West boy?
Tsk. Stupid. Stupid, stupid man.
They took me down to the edge of a waterfall
Some fly Wakandan aunties started saying I oughta call it off But naw man, I had my chest puffed out Screaming “Where’s this wimpy king that I been hearin’ about?”
Then I watched as the king drank from out of a flower
Saw his veins bulging out as he was losing his powers
I thought “Pfft, no problem, this’ll be over quick”
A man said “fight!” and I got punched in the dick
I felt my testicles sink down into my bladder My whole butt flew off and all my leg bones shattered
Guts came up my throat and flew outta my mouth
Heard an auntie say– (well done, oh) as I passed out
Then I woke up in the hospital, covered in casts
The doctors looked at me like they had a question to ask
And I know what they were thinkin’, but I just couldn’t answer–
I don’t know why I thought I could beat the Black Panther!
(Beloved rapper Will Smith died this weekend from injuries sustained while fighting the king of Wakanda. Authorities are still looking for missing fragments of his butt.)